Hi, I’m Afshan
I am a writer and I love stories. As a child, stories were the magic in my life, a world of endless possibility.
Growing up, as I watched my life spiral out of control, I became more and more separated from happiness. I felt an almost constant state of disconnect, from the people that I loved to the world that I lived in. Without even realising, I was sinking into a depression that would become as natural and invisible to me as the air that I breathed.
I did not realise at the time that the epicentre of that separation was within me. At some point during my childhood, unable to cope, I had got up and walked away from myself and my life. The dissolution of this core relationship would ultimately lead me to the furthest point from myself.
I had been so lost for so long, that it took me into my early thirties before I felt as if something was off. I remember I couldn’t even formulate the question that may have elicited an answer to the state of confusion I was in. All I could ask, rather feebly, was, “What is it?”
This was perhaps, my first step towards consciousness.
The answer to this question set me on a journey, that I had no idea I was about to undertake. A journey that I now believe to be, the greatest journey I can ever take; the journey back to myself.
It’s difficult to describe the thirteen years that followed. It was as if my world had been hit by a slow moving seismic wave. I watched as the foundation stones of my life soundlessly and systematically dissolved before my eyes. Stability and security crumbled. Belief systems that I had held sacred, jeered at me like pieces of worn out sail, flapping in the wind. I was stripped of all that was familiar.
I was a stranger in my body, in my life; meeting myself for the first time.
What kept me going? At the time, I was the last person to know.
In retrospect, as I tried to find the answer, I remembered that since I was a small child I have believed that there was a grander purpose to life. It’s hard to say why I felt this way from such an early age and harder still to explain why I chose to listen to random pieces of advice, which seemed to be coming from what I pictured in my child’s mind, as an empty peaceful space.
It took my adult self by surprise when I realised that this belief in the grander purpose of life was actually faith. Faith in God, faith in the higher scheme of things. So I had been connected all along, following the same guidance that I had received as a child, “Believe. Hold on. What is to come is in your best interest.”
I believed because, I felt then, as I do now, that this message comes from a place of love, a place of truth.
It is this faith that has been my North star helping me mediate my way in life. It has also been the anchor that roots me in my darkest moments as I do my best to surrender.
Someone up there is smiling. I know, I’m down here, smiling. I got it. Finally. It’s all good.
Life is like that, deep and intense one moment and light and fun in the same moment. And that’s when it hit me. They are both the same; the darkness and the light. Both are moving us towards our grander purpose, towards our best self.
Here’s what I believe today. We are each of great value and have our own part to play in the creation of our world. Furthermore, I believe we are all connected to God, to each other, to this beautiful planet in such a profound way that the fate of the one is the fate of the other.
These new beliefs have diametrically shifted my relationship with the world. It has been like walking through a doorway into another reality. Life is no longer just a place where I can discover myself. It is a partner with whom I can create that one true love story we’ve all heard about since we were young; a love story that is not limited to two people; a love story that celebrates everyone and everything, forever.
There is no story more magical than the story of our own life and I have a small child to thank for sharing that secret with me, a long time ago.