Last week has been one where thanks to an extreme episode of vertigo all my well laid plans and to do lists were made redundant. Those who’ve experienced vertigo know that it can be nothing short of a rollercoaster ride minus the fun but with an extra helping of the crazy. In the aftermath, I’ve been watching several things come up for my perusal. The first being the realisation of how without our health, we become spectators in our own life. While this thought in itself is a bit gloom and doom, it brings with it the gift of appreciating, on a much deeper level, the days when we wake up fully equipped to greet life. Suddenly the most mundane of activities such as walking down the stairs feels so exciting. This euphoria may very well be a side effect of the vertigo but I wonder if it carries within it the seed of the feeling of when we first learnt to walk, before it became a mindless action.
The second thing I became aware of was how my need to control the situation was causing me added frustration. Whether I was thinking that I should be better now, or feeling unfairly side lined during a particularly productive period, it was eye opening to see the subtle state of resistance in me. In a moment of clarity, it dawned on me how my mental and physical state were in complete alignment. Off centre.
Finally and by no means is this a coincidence, that just when you think you’ve got something, the universe lovingly provides you with an opportunity to live the truth of it. Only last week I was sharing with you the joys of doing nothing, well here were some days where not much would be happening for me and I could be revelling in pure bliss but instead I was choosing to climb into the very mindset of Doing that I was warning you about. Ok enough, I get it already! ( Exit stage left Bruised Ego )
The thing is guys, we can always find humour in what seems to be a grave situation. We can be afraid and laugh at the same time. In fact it’s imperative we do so to put fear into perspective. What I’ve learnt from this experience is that this is the very time to remain open. This is a point when the choice between fear and love appears. While it feels safer to pick fear and go into self protection mode, it is essential that we surrender and trust in the seeming chaos that surrounds us. It is trying to expand us, to bring something to our notice. It is there to help us learn something, albeit that we have no tolerance for anti gravity rides and should give up on our dream of bungee jumping.
(Enter stage right Enlightened Coach )
Our health is one of the biggest and most important things that we sometimes take for granted, and only come to realise its value and importance when we fall sick/ill. Suddenly, the smallest acts of being able to walk, move, or do anything with ease, which we hardly think about, become painful and difficult – be it only for a day, or for months and years.
P.s. I hope you’re feeling well now..sending love and hugs your way.
Hassan Sheheryar Yasin says
Your journey and its purity and rawness mirrors so much of what others are also feeling or might see some resemblance in their own life. Thank you for your bravery to put it all out there and then going a step further and breaking it down for your reader. Pray you get better soon. Love you very much. Thank you for this.