“We are just afraid, period. Our fear is free floating. We’re afraid this isn’t the right relationship or we’re afraid it is. We’re afraid they wont like us or we’re afraid they will. We’re afraid of failure. We’re afraid of success. We’re afraid of dying young or we’re afraid of growing old. We are more afraid of life than we are of death.” – Marianne Williamson
Some pretty big stuff has been coming up for me recently. Some of it was so out of left field that it took me a while to accept that it could be true. Let me talk about the one that really stopped me short. The fear of success. Seriously, that’s a fear? And it’s mine? That made no sense to me (on cue, my Latin teacher’s words from Year 9 came to mind: “It makes complete sense, perhaps you can’t make sense of it.”)
Was I afraid of success? How could a person who was a high achiever, with no fear of failure be afraid of success? It didn’t hold up to logic. That is, until, I tracked down the belief that was hiding so seamlessly behind this fear. So perfectly camouflaged at all times, in my face yet so deeply embedded I had no lens to see it with. My core belief about self worth. My lack of self worth to put it more precisely. The single belief that has driven me almost remorselessly to prove myself because I felt I had no inherent worth to begin with. This is a delusion that some of the most successful, ambitious people commonly share.
In hindsight everything becomes twenty twenty. Not to say that I have not been successful in what I have taken on, I am grateful for how things have turned out but I am speaking more specifically to understanding and exploring my unique gift. Because of this belief, it has been hard for me to identify what value I bring. How could I continue to tell myself the story of how small I felt if I suddenly stepped into my own power? Who would this new me be? What would happen to the old me? All fascinating questions.
The beliefs we have about ourself are with us because of our individual and collective experiences. They lie both subtly entwined within us and invisible in our blind spot. They are single handedly responsible for shaping our life into what it is. In facing our fears we make the heroic effort of seeking out these beliefs and aligning them with the truth of who we really are at our core; whole, blessed, eternal.
Are there any fears that come up for you on a regular basis? They could be pointing to a latent belief about yourself that you didn’t even know you have, yet it’s locked you in a pattern that may be difficult for you to fathom at surface level. Through recognising and changing old beliefs we free ourself of unconscious habits and behaviours and begin to co create a life that honours not only our own individual journey but enriches the lives of everyone around us.