The disease to please is easy to miss because it can reside somewhat camouflaged in the “being nice” category and which one of us doesn’t remember that as being among our top five things to live up to as a child. Be nice, play with your new friend. Be nice, give your little brother that toy. As we grow older, it begins to sound something like this: be the bigger person, just ignore her, everyone knows how rude she is. Be the better person, just let it go, he’s never going to change! Many times it can be self imposed; I have no wish to go to that person’s party but it wont look nice if I don’t show up. My cousin’s hitting me up for a loan again because he knows I have money and he’s never paid me back, but I better do it or what will my relatives say. We all have our own custom made Be Nice sentences that make us squirm and compromise our own integrity.
By no means am I advocating that we have zero tolerance for other people’s needs or that we disregard social norms and find a hilltop from where we look down with disdain and judge others: although, this can be a fun once in a blue moon activity 🙂 I am however, saying that when we step out of alignment with ourself, or the truth of how we actually feel, we aren’t really being nice at all; either to the other person or to ourself. The other person will be able to feel the energy behind our gesture if they have half a brain and we will be acutely aware of how uncomfortable we feel in doing it. By disconnectedly going through the motions, not only are we offering the other person something that we don’t mean, we are essentially undermining ourself.
Consider this, a person can feed the poor because society looks upon it as a nice thing and another person can teach at an underprivileged school because they want to make a difference, and while at surface level, both activities look as if they are coming from the same place, the two individuals are in fact, sending out distinctly different signals to the universe. It is the intention behind the energy that gives it the impetus and it is that very same energy that comes back to us. The Law of Cause and Effect states that what goes around comes around. Do we want to be on the receiving end of a reluctant placebo?
We are fooling ourself if we derive our sense of worth from thinking that we are serving others by pleasing them with empty gestures. It is only through standing in our own truth, our place of authenticity that we bring true value to the service we offer others.