The thing with experiencing spiritual transformation is that there are no specific markers to outline progress while it’s happening. The change is only apparent at the end and by the end I mean the end of a growth cycle. Everything in life is cyclical. Think of it as a continual evolution, a series of dissolvings and risings. I’m full of good news today.
If it’s any consolation, I am, at this time undergoing such a state myself. Although as a coach you learn to identify and create some distance from it, it’s never easy to navigate it while you’re in it. I am not speaking about a complete melt down here but rather about an aspect of your life that may no longer be working for you. Many times it’s about an ending; whether it’s the end of a relationship, the end of a job or the end of a routine that you’ve been engaged in for a large part of your life. As I’m writing this, it occurs to me that in my case, it’s all of the above. It never ceases to surprise and delight me how creating a space through my writing inevitably helps me see the bigger picture.
I am finding myself at the end of a twenty year period of being a ‘stay at home’ mum of two girls, the younger of the two having recently joined her sister in college. My days are no longer scheduled around pick up and drop offs, packed lunches, sports, music lessons and extra curricular activities. A very great degree of my mental energy is no longer consumed by their homework, exams, projects, assessments and applications, not to mention their social life, proms and graduations.
In hindsight, everything becomes 20/20. As this cycle comes to a close, it’s not just a day-to-day routine that is coming to an end, it’s the conclusion of a very important chapter of my life. A life created and devoted to the nurturing of two individuals. At its heart it is about my identification as a mother and coming to terms with aspects of this relationship that must be let go off so that it may evolve into its next phase.
Those closest to me know that of all the roles I have played, the one that has been the most meaningful to me, as well as the most loving and gratifying, is my role as a mother. And whereas it may seem from the outside that I have been at the giving end, I can say undeniably, that what I have received in return has been nothing less than an equal exchange, nothing short of a blessing.
Perhaps that’s why the days that open before me now, seem all the more empty. In the twilight of my brightest hour, who will I be?
And the answer comes to me like a new breath, ” The one that you were before all this.”