No one knows what makes
The soul wake up so happy.
Maybe a dawn breeze has
Blown the veil from the face of God.
This morning was one such blissful awakening. The light seemed dimmer than what it should have been for that particular time and I thought, clouds! When you live in the desert and have been indulged by an ever faithful sun, the dream of a cloudy sky is very alluring. It’s noon and this day is still glorious, a moving canvas of light and shadow, all orchestrated by a capricious breeze. I’ve been observing it at play for a few hours now. Its gentle intentional flow interrupted by occasional haphazard mischief reminds me a lot of our own nature. We can be singleminded with our goals and then there are times of unconsidered chaos, our lives mimicking a greater pattern. But the similarity ends here because nature moves in perfect alignment with the laws of the universe and our lives, at best, are largely a series of unconscious follow ups for a few overly considered choices. This is not to say that we don’t have moments like today, of profound awareness where we feel a part of something sublime, but they are far and few between.
This year has been in stark contrast to the ones before it. An invisible microbe has thrown a spanner into the superfly machinery of our pre- covid life. Undeniably, this has been a challenging time, where even those of us, whose heads were so deep in the sand that we couldn’t tell up from down, had to ask ourself at some point, ‘what have we been doing …. and for what purpose?’
Social media has been rampant with slogans of how 2020 is the worst, how we’ve all been cheated and how it can’t end soon enough. In the aftermath of our initial reaction, haven’t we had sufficient time to consider whether having our life turned upside down has also yielded anything of value?
For me, it brought home some epic truths which would otherwise have taken perhaps years to integrate. Mortality for one. The value of life becomes crystal clear when you come face to face with its opposite. When you realise its finiteness, you also become very clear on what you want to fill it up with and what you don’t. Add to this, the breakdown of the illusion of control we thought we had and it makes for a very humbling yet very powerful moment. Clarity has been a great gift this year.
The answer has always rested in the fundamental duality of being human. Only through owning our vulnerability, our fragility, can we hope to claim its opposite, our true boundless nature.
What does it matter if it’s a ‘dawn breeze’ or its opposite that’s trying to awaken us, when what they both offer is the same thing. A deepened, more joyful experience of life.