I’m not sure if I’ve shared this with you before but I’m not a big fan of new year’s resolutions. I do, however, love coming up with a few words that provide the modus operandi of how I want to move forward each year. Last year, one of the words I was very drawn to was ‘Ease’.

After years of pushing myself to the limit, I thought I’d see how this little word might change my experience of life. What I found is that throughout the past year, as I was about to set myself up for impossible goals, I’d stop and ask myself firstly, if it was absolutely necessary that this task be done and secondly, that was it possible to carry it out in a satisfactory manner instead of striving for brilliance. Once a nerd, always a nerd. Of course I’m joking but how we identify ourself starts early and it can lead to subtle behaviours in adulthood which keep us circling relentlessly.

In not trying to get an A on everything on my list I learned a couple of very important lessons. Nobody is judging me except myself. I have nothing to prove. In that moment of silence, after the initial realisation I felt the pattern I had been stuck in, give way and then in its wake, the exhalation of freedom. This is how we liberate ourself from the trappings of the mind. In time, what came to replace the energy of the unyielding thoughts was the delicious ease of a once upon childhood.

Last year’s word lead to this year’s perspective. Lightness. I loved it instantly. For me it holds the promise of yet another level of awareness through which to embrace life. A lightness of being.

In realising that it’s possible to take the weight out of life, to hold it gently, we allow ourself to become available to peace and joy now, instead of perpetually seeking for it in the future, a point in time that does not even exist.

 

 

Best
Afshan x

Guess who’s surfaced : )  I’d like to start off by saying thank you very much for your patience! As most of you know I’ve recently launched my book, Coming Home in Lahore. As a first time author, it was also my first foray into self-publishing. To say the least, the journey was a challenging one on both accounts, but one for which I am deeply grateful.

My absence in the last few months has been marked by more revelations about what the book actually means for me on a personal level. Upon completing Coming Home, I thought I was arriving at a point. The more I pondered over what I wanted to say at the various launch events, the more it started becoming evident that once again with this book, it was not about what I wanted to say but rather what I needed to hear. Throughout my life I’ve found that when I start feeling as if I really get something, God or the universe, very gently turns everything on its head and asks, “How about now?” I call it my auto-correct and over the years have learned to appreciate its value.

So here’s the thing, Coming Home is not only a destination point but also the start of a new journey. That I am writing this blog in January ( the first month of our calendar year, aptly named after the Greek god Janus, who has two faces to represent duality: endings and beginnings, gateways, time etc. ) is not lost on me. Actually I love it. It’s life’s way of confirming I’m on the right track.

In these last few months, I’ve been thinking about what this new beginning has in store for me. Some of the insights are clearer than others. My writing will change; as to how, we shall discover together. I hope. I feel like I’m moving towards fewer words, whether that translates literally or otherwise remains to be seen. I know that overall my intention since the book’s launch has been to move towards stillness. A state of being. Having spent most of my life in my head, I know what I’m being asked to take on and I believe I am ready.

This just came to mind and once again no surprises where it came from: “Intellect will take you to the door, but it does not take you into the house.”   Shams Tabrizi

Wishing you all the best for your own journey towards peace, love and joy as a new year opens.

 

 

Best
Afshan x

Anyone else feeling a lot? As a life coach there are many times I tell my clients that it’s okay to experience a multitude of feelings, often conflicting, at the same time. Finding oneself in this state can be not only confusing but also overwhelming.

The summer holidays have started and since we have yet to embark on our travels, I find myself out of my regular routine, asking myself continually, ‘Is it okay to just eat, watch reruns and sleep?’ It’s as if I’m trying to justify rest, almost as if it’s an excuse; like I should be doing something worthwhile. When did relaxation become worthless? Also interestingly my body seems to be as confused with the current lack of panic or urgency as my mind. I find myself wandering aimlessly from room to room as if expecting to come across a pressing obligation that needs to be attended to immediately.

As I write this, it seems to me that I’m experiencing the aftershocks of a packed life coming to a halt. Clearly this is a period of recalibration. The incessant loop of thoughts: I am so happy I can rest, I am so bored, I am so tired, how come I’m sleeping all the time, I am so glad I have nothing lined up today, I can’t believe I’ve done nothing constructive today, I can’t wait to get out and travel, I don’t want to leave my bed…. this constant circus has been the backdrop of my last few days. Contracting the ‘flu has been another source of irritation. I mean two weeks? Who gets sick for that long? Is that even normal? More fun rhetoric. #livingmybestlife.

Thankfully, amongst so much insanity, there is a part of me that gets the humour in this. I love that I am actually annoyed at the opportunity of relaxing. I may even have forgotten what it feels like to slow down. This new alien state may be throwing me off.

The metaphor of the snow globe always comes up in my coaching when I sense overwhelm in a client. When we encounter change we are very much like a snow globe that has been shaken. The snow flakes represent the many feelings that we are capable of holding but more importantly we need to see that we are the container and that our true nature is stillness. In this powerful state of surrender, all within us figures itself out.

Rest is the silence where awareness arises. It blesses us with the opportunity to see and reevaluate our lives and realise that allowing and tranquility help us reach our goals much more effectively than endless activity and chaos.

Rest is a safe place. Rest is coming home, to a state of being, where we are complete.

 

 

Best
Afshan x

Earlier this morning, I watched what I think is a ground breaking TED talk video about understanding addiction. Whereas the speaker addresses the greater problem of addiction to drugs, I feel that the reasoning for what leads to addiction in the first place, applies to all of us. I wanted to explore how this may be manifesting in our day to day lives.

Johann Hari argues that the cause of addiction is separation. As soon as I heard this, it made complete sense. Here’s why.

Those of us leading normal lives (or so it would seem from the outside anyway) may find ourselves going straight to alcohol or drugs when we hear the word addiction. It seems so far removed from our own behaviour patterns. Yet today’s world is a very different place from the world of ten years ago even.

Whether we realise it or not, to some degree, we are addicted to social media, to angling for instant gratification and to the charm of living a big life. Today’s drug of choice is celebrity and in the virtual digital platform that we have collectively created, everyone can look like a star. What greater hook can there be?

While the digital age has brought us together in so many ways, it has simultaneously rendered it less likely for us to connect in person. I don’t think we fully comprehend the importance of person to person communication. The layers of nuances, emotional and energetic cannot be substituted through technology, no matter how apt the icons. In my opinion we are losing much more here than we realise.

Whether we decide to reward ourself with a dessert at the end of a gruelling work day or turn on the T.V. to fill up an empty house; whether we find ourself searching for our phone as we step into a room full of strangers or buy a designer piece in order to boost our self image, we are essentially reacting to the same feeling: lack.

And lack descends directly from feeling disconnected and alone.

Johann points out that when instead of judging and separating the addicts, measures were taken to help integrate them back into society as contributing members, it completely changed the game. The numbers of addicts dropped by fifty percent. The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, he concludes, it’s connection.

Which one of us has not reached for an external reward to make us feel better or more at some point or another? Our personal sense of well being is anchored undeniably in feeling safe, being heard and in belonging. As always the answer lies in the lack of judgement and complete acceptance.

 

Best
Afshan