In each loss there is a gain, as in every gain there is a loss, and with each ending comes a new beginning.

– Buddhist proverb

Two faces of the same coin. I seem to say that more and more. Our intellect works through duality, through contrast, where one exists in contradiction to the other. While this type of understanding has brought us to present time, it has now also served its purpose.

2020, the year of awakening, has brought both chaos and clarity. In its wake, we are left to question our very fundamentals; our priorities, our relationships, what we need in order to enjoy a comfortable life. And flowing deeper, some of us found ourselves asking, who are we, what do we stand for, are our lives an accurate manifestation of our desires? Or have we been pulled off course by an unconscious collective current.

These were difficult questions and it took courage to go there, especially when the answers brought more anguish. But feeling through the dense fog of pain we found our way to an ever growing light, leading us to healing. In losing those dear to us, we found ourself stripped of all our delusions of control. Standing naked in our fragility, we were offered front row seats to view our own mortality. Yet this acute vulnerability rendered the most precious of gifts, an invitation to awaken to the divine within us.

Coming face to face with the transient nature of life, has compelled us to reassess how we were living our own. For me it brought up the idea of responsibility. I know that ‘family’ and ‘career’ are focal themes for many of us but in trying to do our best by these commitments, we often fail to address our own personal needs. I had to ask myself, perhaps for the first time, if I had lived with a sense of responsibility towards myself. The answer, while bleak, was also a much needed call to arms.

Another theme that came up was that of home. So many of us are ending the year largely without having seen extended family or in some cases, even members of our immediate one. This brought up a myriad of emotions, ranging from heartache, nostalgia to longing. We have moved through multiple nuances of the word ‘Home’ searching for what lies at its heart. Beyond the comfort of our houses, past all that is familiar, surpassing even our nearest and dearest, where is this yearning carrying us? What does ‘Coming Home’ mean to you?

Whatever has challenged us this year, has also served to elevate us to the next level of our personal and collective growth. Though the contagious nature of this virus may have isolated us, it has also unified us in the truth that we feel strongest together. Our very life force thrives in being part of a greater whole. And the well being of this greater whole lies in each of us realising that we are one.

Change is upon us, whether we want it or not. All that remains now is how we choose to navigate it. Let the losses that we have borne this year give us clarity and wisdom to create a new beginning. For only when we know better, can we do better.

 

 

Best
Afshan

 

 

No one knows what makes
The soul wake up so happy.

Maybe a dawn breeze has
Blown the veil from the face of God.

Rumi

 

This morning was one such blissful awakening. The light seemed dimmer than what it should have been for that particular time and I thought, clouds! When you live in the desert and have been indulged by an ever faithful sun, the dream of a cloudy sky is very alluring. It’s noon and this day is still glorious, a moving canvas of light and shadow, all orchestrated by a capricious breeze. I’ve been observing it at play for a few hours now. Its gentle intentional flow interrupted by occasional haphazard mischief reminds me a lot of our own nature. We can be singleminded with our goals and then there are times of unconsidered chaos, our lives mimicking a greater pattern. But the similarity ends here because nature moves in perfect alignment with the laws of the universe and our lives, at best, are largely a series of unconscious follow ups for a few overly considered choices. This is not to say that we don’t have moments like today, of profound awareness where we feel a part of something sublime, but they are far and few between.

This year has been in stark contrast to the ones before it. An invisible microbe has thrown a spanner into the superfly machinery of our pre- covid life. Undeniably, this has been a challenging time, where even those of us, whose heads were so deep in the sand that we couldn’t tell up from down, had to ask ourself at some point, ‘what have we been doing …. and for what purpose?’

Social media has been rampant with slogans of how 2020 is the worst, how we’ve all been cheated and how it can’t end soon enough. In the aftermath of our initial reaction, haven’t we had sufficient time to consider whether having our life turned upside down has also yielded anything of value?

For me, it brought home some epic truths which would otherwise have taken perhaps years to integrate. Mortality for one. The value of life becomes crystal clear when you come face to face with its opposite. When you realise its finiteness, you also become very clear on what you want to fill it up with and what you don’t. Add to this, the breakdown of the illusion of control we thought we had and it makes for a very humbling yet very powerful moment. Clarity has been a great gift this year.

The answer has always rested in the fundamental duality of being human. Only through owning our vulnerability, our fragility, can we hope to claim its opposite, our true boundless nature.

What does it matter if it’s a ‘dawn breeze’ or its opposite that’s trying to awaken us, when what they both offer is the same thing. A deepened, more joyful experience of life.

 

 

Best
Afshan x

 

 

The thing with experiencing spiritual transformation is that there are no specific markers to outline progress while it’s happening. The change is only apparent at the end and by the end I mean the end of a growth cycle. Everything in life is cyclical. Think of it as a continual evolution, a series of dissolvings and risings. I’m full of good news today.

If it’s any consolation, I am, at this time undergoing such a state myself. Although as a coach you learn to identify and create some distance from it, it’s never easy to navigate it while you’re in it. I am not speaking about a complete melt down here but rather about an aspect of your life that may no longer be working for you. Many times it’s about an ending; whether it’s the end of a relationship, the end of a job or the end of a routine that you’ve been engaged in for a large part of your life. As I’m writing this, it occurs to me that in my case, it’s all of the above. It never ceases to surprise and delight me how creating a space through my writing inevitably helps me see the bigger picture.

I am finding myself at the end of a twenty year period of being a ‘stay at home’ mum of two girls, the younger of the two having recently joined her sister in college. My days are no longer scheduled around pick up and drop offs, packed lunches, sports, music lessons and extra curricular activities. A very great degree of my mental energy is no longer consumed by their homework, exams, projects, assessments and applications, not to mention their social life, proms and graduations.

In hindsight, everything becomes 20/20. As this cycle comes to a close, it’s not just a day-to-day routine that is coming to an end, it’s the conclusion of a very important chapter of my life. A life created and devoted to the nurturing of two individuals. At its heart it is about my identification as a mother and coming to terms with aspects of this relationship that must be let go off so that it may evolve into its next phase.

Those closest to me know that of all the roles I have played, the one that has been the most meaningful to me, as well as the most loving and gratifying, is my role as a mother. And whereas it may seem from the outside that I have been at the giving end, I can say undeniably, that what I have received in return has been nothing less than an equal exchange, nothing short of a blessing.

Perhaps that’s why the days that open before me now, seem all the more empty. In the twilight of my brightest hour, who will I be?

And the answer comes to me like a new breath, ” The one that you were before all this.”

 

 

Best
Afshan x

 

 

/ˌriːˈbuːt/ (of a computer) to switch off and then start again immediately, or to make a computer do this: If this doesn’t work, close the application and reboot the system.

 – Cambridge English Dictionary

How are you enjoying your reboot? As we take a closer look at the malfunctioning applications in our lives, what are the ‘bugs’ that we are encountering? One thing has became apparent to me, that a fundamental shift in our mindset some time ago, has set us off course to such a degree that our present day external crisis is a clear reflection of the inner crisis we have been feeling as individuals for some time.

Even as far back as a couple of hundred years ago we were living in relative harmony with our planet and its inhabitants. Starting with the industrial revolution, the race to be bigger, better and best has taken a toll on the Earth, on our animal kingdom and not in any way least, ourselves. Today we live in the most technologically advanced world, built to provide the kind of comfort and ease that mankind has never known before, yet as a whole, we are feeling confused, unhappy and unfulfilled.

At some point we bought into the story of lack. We began to believe we were not enough and thus began the race to prove ourself. There is a parallel story here; every human being’s deepest desire to be more, to grow and to expand. We have confused this inner evolution for external validation.

How much more do we need to accumulate before we feel enough? Let’s realise that personal growth is not signified by a heftier bank account or more expensive things. Acquiring more is not the same as being more. It’s time to open our eyes to the fact that there hasn’t been much inner progression for some time. As a species, our self-centredness and entitlement have kept us confined to a level of immaturity which now needs to be transcended.

The sole purpose of our planet and all its living creatures is not to serve us. I think we have grossly misunderstood our ‘Specialness’. With our misguided superiority we have taken what we wanted without one thought for where it’s coming from and who’s suffering as a result. This lack of regard and respect for the other has cost us our own happiness. And it’s right here, in this flawed mindset that both the problem and the solution lie. There is no ‘other’. 

It’s time to grow up, and realise that we are just a minor part of the greater whole. It’s time to remember that our responsibility extends beyond ourself to our planet, all the creatures that inhabit it and to each other. The illusion of separation must come to end before any healing or returning to our original state of wholeness can begin.

 

 

Best
Afshan x