No one knows what makes
The soul wake up so happy.

Maybe a dawn breeze has
Blown the veil from the face of God.

Rumi

 

This morning was one such blissful awakening. The light seemed dimmer than what it should have been for that particular time and I thought, clouds! When you live in the desert and have been indulged by an ever faithful sun, the dream of a cloudy sky is very alluring. It’s noon and this day is still glorious, a moving canvas of light and shadow, all orchestrated by a capricious breeze. I’ve been observing it at play for a few hours now. Its gentle intentional flow interrupted by occasional haphazard mischief reminds me a lot of our own nature. We can be singleminded with our goals and then there are times of unconsidered chaos, our lives mimicking a greater pattern. But the similarity ends here because nature moves in perfect alignment with the laws of the universe and our lives, at best, are largely a series of unconscious follow ups for a few overly considered choices. This is not to say that we don’t have moments like today, of profound awareness where we feel a part of something sublime, but they are far and few between.

This year has been in stark contrast to the ones before it. An invisible microbe has thrown a spanner into the superfly machinery of our pre- covid life. Undeniably, this has been a challenging time, where even those of us, whose heads were so deep in the sand that we couldn’t tell up from down, had to ask ourself at some point, ‘what have we been doing …. and for what purpose?’

Social media has been rampant with slogans of how 2020 is the worst, how we’ve all been cheated and how it can’t end soon enough. In the aftermath of our initial reaction, haven’t we had sufficient time to consider whether having our life turned upside down has also yielded anything of value?

For me, it brought home some epic truths which would otherwise have taken perhaps years to integrate. Mortality for one. The value of life becomes crystal clear when you come face to face with its opposite. When you realise its finiteness, you also become very clear on what you want to fill it up with and what you don’t. Add to this, the breakdown of the illusion of control we thought we had and it makes for a very humbling yet very powerful moment. Clarity has been a great gift this year.

The answer has always rested in the fundamental duality of being human. Only through owning our vulnerability, our fragility, can we hope to claim its opposite, our true boundless nature.

What does it matter if it’s a ‘dawn breeze’ or its opposite that’s trying to awaken us, when what they both offer is the same thing. A deepened, more joyful experience of life.

 

 

Best
Afshan x

 

 

The thing with experiencing spiritual transformation is that there are no specific markers to outline progress while it’s happening. The change is only apparent at the end and by the end I mean the end of a growth cycle. Everything in life is cyclical. Think of it as a continual evolution, a series of dissolvings and risings. I’m full of good news today.

If it’s any consolation, I am, at this time undergoing such a state myself. Although as a coach you learn to identify and create some distance from it, it’s never easy to navigate it while you’re in it. I am not speaking about a complete melt down here but rather about an aspect of your life that may no longer be working for you. Many times it’s about an ending; whether it’s the end of a relationship, the end of a job or the end of a routine that you’ve been engaged in for a large part of your life. As I’m writing this, it occurs to me that in my case, it’s all of the above. It never ceases to surprise and delight me how creating a space through my writing inevitably helps me see the bigger picture.

I am finding myself at the end of a twenty year period of being a ‘stay at home’ mum of two girls, the younger of the two having recently joined her sister in college. My days are no longer scheduled around pick up and drop offs, packed lunches, sports, music lessons and extra curricular activities. A very great degree of my mental energy is no longer consumed by their homework, exams, projects, assessments and applications, not to mention their social life, proms and graduations.

In hindsight, everything becomes 20/20. As this cycle comes to a close, it’s not just a day-to-day routine that is coming to an end, it’s the conclusion of a very important chapter of my life. A life created and devoted to the nurturing of two individuals. At its heart it is about my identification as a mother and coming to terms with aspects of this relationship that must be let go off so that it may evolve into its next phase.

Those closest to me know that of all the roles I have played, the one that has been the most meaningful to me, as well as the most loving and gratifying, is my role as a mother. And whereas it may seem from the outside that I have been at the giving end, I can say undeniably, that what I have received in return has been nothing less than an equal exchange, nothing short of a blessing.

Perhaps that’s why the days that open before me now, seem all the more empty. In the twilight of my brightest hour, who will I be?

And the answer comes to me like a new breath, ” The one that you were before all this.”

 

 

Best
Afshan x

 

 

/ˌriːˈbuːt/ (of a computer) to switch off and then start again immediately, or to make a computer do this: If this doesn’t work, close the application and reboot the system.

 – Cambridge English Dictionary

How are you enjoying your reboot? As we take a closer look at the malfunctioning applications in our lives, what are the ‘bugs’ that we are encountering? One thing has became apparent to me, that a fundamental shift in our mindset some time ago, has set us off course to such a degree that our present day external crisis is a clear reflection of the inner crisis we have been feeling as individuals for some time.

Even as far back as a couple of hundred years ago we were living in relative harmony with our planet and its inhabitants. Starting with the industrial revolution, the race to be bigger, better and best has taken a toll on the Earth, on our animal kingdom and not in any way least, ourselves. Today we live in the most technologically advanced world, built to provide the kind of comfort and ease that mankind has never known before, yet as a whole, we are feeling confused, unhappy and unfulfilled.

At some point we bought into the story of lack. We began to believe we were not enough and thus began the race to prove ourself. There is a parallel story here; every human being’s deepest desire to be more, to grow and to expand. We have confused this inner evolution for external validation.

How much more do we need to accumulate before we feel enough? Let’s realise that personal growth is not signified by a heftier bank account or more expensive things. Acquiring more is not the same as being more. It’s time to open our eyes to the fact that there hasn’t been much inner progression for some time. As a species, our self-centredness and entitlement have kept us confined to a level of immaturity which now needs to be transcended.

The sole purpose of our planet and all its living creatures is not to serve us. I think we have grossly misunderstood our ‘Specialness’. With our misguided superiority we have taken what we wanted without one thought for where it’s coming from and who’s suffering as a result. This lack of regard and respect for the other has cost us our own happiness. And it’s right here, in this flawed mindset that both the problem and the solution lie. There is no ‘other’. 

It’s time to grow up, and realise that we are just a minor part of the greater whole. It’s time to remember that our responsibility extends beyond ourself to our planet, all the creatures that inhabit it and to each other. The illusion of separation must come to end before any healing or returning to our original state of wholeness can begin.

 

 

Best
Afshan x

In the last week or so, every time I’ve tried to meditate, I find myself on the run, heart beat elevated, mind scattered and often holding my breath. Only now, as I listen to the sound of rain falling in a forest, do I feel as if I am coming to a stop. The sun rising and the moon in its cycle seem to be the vestiges of an old life. Reality seems to have become perforated, as if veils are lifting and multiple existences are merging.

The sound of rain, always brings me back to a part of myself that I long for. It’s as if all the years spent living in a desert suddenly catch up with me and I realise how parched I am, how arid to my core. Which is it? Release or relief, or does it even matter? All that I need to remember is that in a changing world, I have been lost before, not fully comprehending, and like the cycles in nature, I have always found my way home.

I ask myself what are my anchors? Almost immediately I am aware of a counter question. Why do you feel the need to anchor? The moon is not pinned to one point in the sky, winter doesn’t question the arrival of spring,  just as the planets move to perfect order. You are no different. Surrender to your own flow. Allow what is, to be.

Would rain ever be the beloved without the longing of the desert? Let all illusions dispel.

 

Best
Afshan x